


Love and Other Drugs

by jae_rhys



Series: Vices [1]
Category: Real Person Fiction
Genre: Complete, F/M, Mild Domestic Violence, Prequel, Smut, angst without happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-27
Updated: 2019-02-27
Packaged: 2019-11-04 13:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17899268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jae_rhys/pseuds/jae_rhys
Summary: Colin and Alicia meet at a New Year's Party. Things move fast, and end hard.The first part of theVicesseries featuring Colin Farrell and original character Alicia Hunt.





	Love and Other Drugs

The music was so loud that Colin felt it more than heard it. It was New Year’s Eve 1999, the dawn of the new millenium, and he was in a hot, packed club in New Orleans, drunk, high, and horny. He scanned the crowd as he stood at the bar drinking his beer. No one caught his fancy. He was debating leaving for another club when a sharp elbow caught his side. 

‘Oi!’

‘Sorry, some asshole shoved me. But also, move. You’re taking up too much space and I need a fuckin drink.’ 

Colin blinked, staring down at the girl, wholly amused. She was feisty. And hot. Maybe 5-4 or 5-5, long dark hair with red streaks throughout. He checked her finger--that was one line he wouldn’t cross. ‘I’ll buy your drink. To make up for my rudeness.’

‘Awesome.’ She stood on the rung of the chair and leaned over the bar yelling to the bartender. ‘Hey Joey, can’t a girl get any service?’

A drunk frat boy on her other side leered at her. ‘I’ll service you baby.’ 

‘Ew, no.’

Colin laughed then. He _had_ to get to know her. 

‘Come on baby,’ the drunk persisted, resting a hand on her back. 

Colin saw her jaw clench but she didn’t otherwise react. ‘She said no, mate.’

‘Fuck off.’

‘Get your fuckin hand off her,’ Colin growled, his expression growing dangerous. 

Deciding that he would come out worse in that fight, Frat Boy wandered off, after muttering something unintelligible that was probably meant to be an insult. 

‘Thanks,’ the girl said, looking relieved. 

‘No problem. I’m Colin.’ Her drink arrived just then and, as promised, Colin put money down to cover it. 

‘Alicia.’

‘Alicia. How about a dance?’

‘Sounds marvelous,’ she said with a flirtatious look. ‘You gonna put your hands on me too?’ She seemed to be teasing, so Colin took a chance.

‘Absolutely. If you let me.’ It was almost a given; this music was good for basically one kind of dancing. Dirty. Grinding, thrusting, hot, basically pure sex on the floor

She grinned and grabbed his hand pulling him to the floor. For someone her size, she was surprisingly strong. Facing him she grabbed his shirt, pulling them together. They fit together remarkably well despite their size difference. Colin lost track of time, until the DJ cut the music and the countdown started. 

As the crowd chanted down the final minute of the year, century, and millenium, Colin took a calculated risk and bent over, lifting Alicia into his arms. She grinned at him and wrapped her legs around his waist. 

‘Three… two… one! Happy new year!’ 

The words barely registered as Colin caught Alicia’s lips in a demanding kiss, which was returned just as eagerly. Her hands cupped his head and her lips parted to his tongue. She tasted like lipstick, cigarettes, and whiskey. Reluctantly Colin broke the kiss. ‘Wanna get out of here?’ he asked, his voice rough in her ear.

‘Let’s go!’ 

Outside, Alicia shivered despite the warm humid air. ‘My place or yours?’ he asked, wrapping an arm around her. 

‘Mmm, yours if you don’t mind. My roommate will be home soon and she’s bitchy about visitors.’ 

‘You got it. I’m at the Hilton up the road.’

‘Just visiting then?’ Was that disappointment in her voice? 

‘Yeah. I have some more time here, though. I have to be in Florida for a job in three weeks, but I’m free till then.’ He hadn’t planned on anything more than a one or two night stand, but he was open to a fling if things went that route. 

‘Better than back to… Ireland?’ she said, taking a guess at the accent she could now hear. 

‘Aye. I don’t get back there as much. I live in LA most of the time.’

‘Oh? You an actor or something?’

Colin shrugged. ‘Tryin to be.’ By definition he was, but it felt like bad luck to definitively call himself one just yet.

~~~

Up in his room Colin stripped off his tshirt and used it to wipe sweat off his body. ‘You got the body for Hollywood, for sure,’ Alicia said appreciatively.

Colin flashed her a smile and blatantly looked her up and down. ‘So do you, doll,’ he praised. ‘I mean, I think so. I’d have to see more to be sure.’ 

‘Sure, Romeo,’ she teased. She lifted the hem of her tshirt and raised it a little, flashing her flat belly and, barely, the underside of her breasts, free from a bra. Colin groaned and felt himself start to grow hard. Then she dropped her shirt with a mischievous look and he groaned. 

‘Oh baby, you’re killin me…’

‘Mmm, You like what you see.’ It wasn’t a question. Colin nodded. ‘Then come and take it.’ While the alcohol she’d consumed helped her willingness to make herself vulnerable, she felt as though she could trust Colin. 

In three long strides, Colin had crossed the room, backing Alicia up to the bed. She stood facing him--pressed flush against him, her eyes darkened, staring into his. Slowly, deliberately, Colin reached out and took the hem of her tshirt in his hands, pushing it up slowly. The backs of his hands grazed her abdomen, quite deliberately, drawing a low moan from Alicia. ‘You. Are. So. Fuckin’. Sexy.’ Each word was punctuated by the revelation of more skin, ending with him tossing her shirt to the floor. 

‘So are you,’ Alicia whispered, leaning in and swiping her tongue over his nipple. She could feel Colin hard against her belly, and her right hand slid down to grasp him through his jeans. 

‘Fuck!’ he cried, hips jerking into the touch. 

‘Soon baby,’ she promised. She attacked the button on his jeans, and soon stripped him bare. He followed suit, picking her up and laying her on the bed, hovering over her. ‘I wanna suck you,’ she whimpered. 

‘Later. I’m already too close. But, I _am_ gonna taste you, sweetheart.’ He slid her back on the bed and lay between her legs, looking up at Alicia, meeting her brown eyes, as he swiped his tongue over her clit. 

‘Oh!’ she cried, back arching up. ‘Oh god!’ Colin continued to lick and suck her clit until, after just a few minutes, she was crying out his name as her body shook. He crawled up her body to kiss her, then got up, opening his toiletry bag. 

‘Fuck.’ At her questioning look he said, ‘no condom.’ 

Alicia was horny enough, and still drunk enough, that her rational brain was overruled in seconds. ‘I’m clean and have an IUD.’

And Colin was drunk, high, and horny, thus his thought process, or lack thereof, went much the same route. Moments later, he slid into her bare, moaning. ‘Lise…’ he groaned. He rested on his forearms, thrusting his hips, rolling them occasionally, making Alicia gasp and squirm. Neither of them lasted long; in less than ten minutes, Colin stiffened and cried out, burying himself inside Lise. He kept moving within her and lightly rubbing her clit till she came a second time, her fingernails digging into Colin’s shoulders. 

‘Fuck…’ she panted. 

Colin dropped to his side and pulled her close, kissing her neck. ‘Yep. I think we should do that again. And again, for as long as we’re both free.’ 

‘I’m game.’ She pressed her lips to his briefly. ‘No one calls me Lise…’

‘Would you rather I don’t?’

‘No. Actually… I like it. I’ve never had a nickname.’

‘Mmm, now you do. But I want it to be all mine.’ 

‘Pushy for someone who’s leaving in a couple weeks,’ she teased, but her eyes were sober. 

‘You think I’m just gonna walk away and not keep in touch?’

Alicia shrugged. ‘Everyone else does.’

‘Then everyone else are arseholes. I mean, I donno what’s gonna happen. We may date, or we may just be friends. But I think you’re stuck with me.’

‘Good. You realise that means that _you’re_ stuck with _me_ , to, right?’

‘I can think of worse things.’

‘So I guess it’s decided,’ Alicia declared. ‘Fate has decreed that we’re together forever.’

‘Mmm hmm.’ Colin leaned in and kissed her. ‘So… you said something about suckin my cock?’

Alicia giggled and wriggled down taking him in her mouth. Colin groaned, eyes fluttering closed. ‘Ah baby…’ After several minutes, he said, ‘Stop. I wanna fuck you again.’ He pulled her up on the bed, putting her legs on his shoulders, and drove into her, making her cry out. They lasted longer this time, and when they’d come, they were spent and fell asleep in each other’s arms. 

~~~

When Alicia wasn’t at work, they spent all of their time together, a great share of it in bed. While they talked just as frequently as fucked, it was nearly always superficial. Alicia volunteered almost nothing about her past, and Colin volunteered almost nothing about his present. They also spent most of it drunk and/or high. Which is to say, Colin was always under the influence, and Alicia frequently was. Neither of them saw it as a problem though. 

One day, when Colin had only four more days in town, Alicia rolled to her side and propped herself up on her elbow. ‘So… are we dating? Or are we just fucking?’ she queried, emboldened by the cocaine they’d used earlier. 

‘Do you want to date? Like… be my girlfriend?’

‘I donno. Do you want me to?’ 

‘You’re maddening, woman.’

‘I’m told that.’

‘Okay. Um… yes. Be my girlfriend.’

‘Are you telling me or asking me? Cos they get different answers.’

‘Lise, are you _trying_ to aggravate me?’

‘Yes. Is it working?’

Colin didn’t answer, but instead rolled her to her back and straddled her waist, pinning her arms down and hovering over her, almost but not quite kissing her. ‘Yes.’

Alicia giggled and lifted her head to kiss him. ‘Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend.’

‘Good. Then I’m going to claim you.’ He lowered his head and nipped at her collarbone, sucking at the skin, gently at first. 

Alicia moaned, her head lolling back. ‘Yes…’ she breathed. ‘Make me yours.’

‘I don’t share, Lise,’ he warned, after. ‘You’re all mine, as long as we’re together.’ 

‘I _am_ all yours. But I don’t share either,’ she said looking up seriously. 

‘Good.’

~~~

On the morning of his last full day in New Orleans, Colin was morose and drank more than usual. He didn’t want to leave Alicia behind. But if he asked her to come with him, he’d be opening himself to rejection, as well as bringing her a hell of a lot deeper into his life than he’d anticipated. He sat on the balcony chain smoking while Lise was in the shower. 

‘What’s wrong baby?’ she asked when she came out. 

Colin opened his mouth, though he wasn’t sure what to say. He was surprised to hear, ‘Come with me,’ leave his mouth. 

Alicia was just as surprised. She’d half hoped he’d ask, but she hadn’t gotten as far as what she’d say if he did. She didn’t have family nearby--or anywhere, really. She also didn’t really have friends. Her roommate would be unhappy to lose Alicia’s share of rent but that was the only real attachment she had. 

‘Like… how. I mean… would we live together, or…? I don’t even know how long you’re there? Or what you’re doing after. And Erin would kill me if I bailed with no notice.’ The words spilled out as fast as her brain conjured the thoughts. ‘But… I want to. I don’t want to say goodbye,’ she admitted. 

Colin only managed to keep up with about half of her thoughts. ‘I’m filming a movie. Near Jacksonville, at some military base. I’ll be there for at least three months. I’ve taken a month by month lease on an apartment. So yes, you could stay with me, if you wanted,’ he said. 

‘And after?’

With a shrug Colin replied, ‘I have a few months off. I have another movie in July, in Texas. Between this and that one… I can come back here, or we can go to LA, or to Dublin. Whatever you want.’ 

Considering his words, Alicia fell silent for a while. ‘Okay.’ 

‘Okay?’

‘I’ll come with you.’

‘Yeah? Brilliant!’ he said. 

It didn’t occur to either of them that officially moving in together, three weeks into their relationship--when they’d already basically been living together since day one--was too much too soon. 

~~~

‘So… you _are_ an actor, not just trying to be one…’

‘I guess. I didn’t say it to be evasive, really. I’m not like… recognisable. I’m not even D-list. Hell, I don’t think I qualify for any List”.’ 

‘Yes, but you’re still an actor. I looked at your IMDb page.’ Colin groaned. ‘Hush. You did a movie with Kevin Spacey. Like, even I know who he is.’

‘Yeah but lots of people who aren’t anybody are in movies with stars.’ 

‘I don’t think you’re giving yourself enough credit.’ She looked at him seriously. ‘I want to see stuff you’ve done.’

‘Oh baby… no? Please?’

‘Why?’

‘I’m just… I donno. Self-conscious I guess.’

That was something Alicia could relate to. ‘Okay. If you really don’t want me to, I won’t,’ she said. But she pouted as she said it.

Colin fell back with a groan and a laugh. ‘I think… I’m not ever going to be able to deny you anything,’ he said, cupping her face. All he wanted was to make her happy, even if he was uncomfortable. ‘I’ll see about getting copies, okay?’ 

‘Thanks hon.’ She flashed a sweet, genuinely happy smile at Colin. 

‘I gotta go call Erin and also my job. I’ll be back soon.’ 

Neither Erin nor the cafe where Alicia worked as a waitress were happy about the short notice. But neither pushed her to stay either--not that she would’ve. That evening, they drove to Alicia’s house to pick up what she was bringing with her. Which wasn’t much. She also wasn’t really leaving much behind. 

‘You travel light.’

‘I live light.’

‘Anti-materialism?’

‘No not really.’ She didn’t elaborate. Understanding that sort of privacy well, Colin didn’t push for answers. 

~~~

The next morning Colin checked out of the hotel and soon they were on their way to Florida. The trip was easily made in one day, even with a stop for a long lunch. En route they listened to the radio or tapes and sang along. 

Alicia talked about some of the obnoxious or funny customers she’d had to deal with. Colin talked a little about his work, and a bit about his family. He asked Alicia about hers but she just pressed her lips together and looked out the window. After lighting a cigarette, he rested one hand on her knee. ‘I ain’t gonna push. But… whatever it is, if you wanna talk I’ll listen.’

‘’Kay’ was the only reply. 

~~~

They arrived in Starke, Florida shortly after seven pm. The landlord had agreed to meet them that evening, to save them from yet another night in a hotel. By eight, the lease agreement had been signed, and Colin had the key. ‘I’ll get another copy to you tomorrow,’ he promised. 

‘We should’ve stopped for food,’ Alicia said, looking around the kitchen. 

‘Mmm… yep. I’ll check if there’s a phone book, and see if I can find a pizza place. Tomorrow we can go to the store.’

‘Okay. We’re also gonna need... ‘ She paused, looking through the cupboards. ‘Literally everything.’ Apparently “Furnished” didn’t include kitchenware or cooking utensils. 

‘And bedding,’ Colin called from the bedroom. 

‘There’s no bedding? Ew…’

‘Mmm, I agree. But I’m knackered.’

‘There’s no pillows either then?’

‘Eurgh… no. Okay… we need to find a store. I don’t even know what’s in town… I hope we don’t have to go to Jacksonville.’

Alicia hoped so too. She was hungry, stressed, tired, hot, and she just wanted to eat, shower, and sleep, and said as much. 

‘And you’re not even the one who drove,’ Colin said. He intended the remark to be lighthearted but, being equally tired and hungry, it came out bitchy. 

‘Sue me for not having a fucking licence,’ she snapped. 

‘Don’t bitch at me!’ Colin said, yanking a fresh tank top from his bag.

‘You started it!’ Alicia retorted.

‘What, are you fuckin 12?’ Colin returned. 

Alicia didn’t have a reply so she threw her bag on the bed and dug through it for a towel. She grabbed her bodywash and shampoo and stormed into the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her. 

Colin dropped onto the bed and closed his eyes. He needed a fuckin drink. But he couldn’t have one yet because they had to go to the store, that they didn’t even know the location of, to buy household shit because neither of them had been smart enough to think about it earlier. Then he realised it wouldn’t matter if they didn’t have to go out. Because they didn’t HAVE any alcohol. ‘FUCK!’ he yelled, slamming his fist on the bed. He found himself resenting Alicia just then. If it was just him, he could make do. He’d find a bar, have some drinks, and come back and pass out on an unmade bed with a sweatshirt for a pillow. But Alicia deserved better than that. He huffed out something like a laugh at the irony of the situation. 

Moments later there was a shriek from the bathroom. Colin figured it was a spider or something but figured he should check. ‘Babe?’ he asked opening the door. Through the frosted glass of the shower door, he saw her sitting on the floor of the tub, her shoulders shaking. The water was off, and he could hear her crying. ‘Babe, what’s wrong?’ he asked, sliding open the door. He could see she was shivering, and not completely rinsed. 

‘I just fucking want today over!’ she wailed. Colin knelt down and stroked her hair. ‘The water got cold suddenly and I couldn’t rinse off and we’re fighting and I’m fucking cold and I don’t want to go out again I just want to rinse off and go to sleep and I can’t and I don’t want you mad at me and... ‘ the words came out in one long rush, and then she fell silent almost as abruptly. 

Colin wasn’t sure what to say or do, but he figured stroking her hair wouldn’t hurt. She leaned toward him, shivering when her side hit the porcelain of the tub but not pulling back. ‘I’m not mad at you,’ he whispered as her sobs eased. ‘We’re just both hungry and tired and frustrated. We’ll be okay. I’ll help you get rinsed off in a minute. Put you in one of my tshirts, okay? I can go to the store alone, so you don’t have to come out again. I’ll just grab a couple pillows and some bedding, and some chinese food or something so we can eat tonight. Then we’ll sleep, and tomorrow we can track down everything we need, okay?’ 

Alicia nodded. The tears had stopped, but she was starting to shiver. Colin stood and turned the water on, getting it warm enough that she could rinse off. A few minutes later, Alicia lay huddled on the bed dressed in a pair of leggings and one of Colin’s shirts. ‘Are you still cold?’ he asked softly. When she nodded he lay down beside her and pulled her close, rubbing her back. When she started to doze off, Colin said, ‘I’m gonna run to the store. Sleep til I get back.’ She nodded sleepily and he kissed her temple and cupped her cheek before leaving.

They spent the next few days getting settled, making trips for groceries and household items. It seemed like no sooner than they’d get home from picking up some forgotten item that they’d remember another. Colin didn’t bother picking up alcohol straight away. Every once in a while, he went a couple weeks without. He missed it, but he figured if he could do that, he wasn't a drunk. And with the start of the film… it was probably a good idea.

After a couple weeks, while they were sitting on the floor in the living room sharing a bottle of Jack Alicia tossed out the idea of getting a job while they were there. Colin wasn’t in favor, mainly because their time was going to be limited. ‘Unless you find something that’s short term, I don’t see the point,’ he said. ‘I don’t mind taking care of you.’

Alicia wavered. She saw his point about it not being fair to an employer if she was only going to be there another ten or twelve weeks, but she really hated relying on Colin, and said so.

‘You think I can’t take good enough care of you?’ he asked, bristling. 

Alicia sighed knowing this was going to end in another argument. ‘I know you can, babe,’ she said softly. ‘You know I don’t need much.’

‘Then what? Some sort of feminist _pride?_ ’

‘No.’ Her voice was quiet. She shouldn’t have chosen this fight. Either she would have to open up about her past, or they’d be fighting for days. And truthfully, she wasn’t sure which was worse. 

‘I can take care of you. It’s my JOB to take care of you. It’s YOUR job to take care of me and our house!’ He shouted, storming out of the room. 

Fuck no. Alicia stood up and stomped after him. ‘I’m not your fuckin wife! And I’m not your fucking slave or housekeeper and whore.’

‘You’re sleeping with me for room and board--is there a difference I don’t know about?’ he shouted. 

Alicia’s mouth dropped open and she stared at him wide-eyed, stunned and hurt by his words. _Bastard!’_ she spit out, slapping him. She turned and walked out, shaking with fury, and kept walking, stopping only to grab her sneakers, out of the apartment. She didn’t know where she’d go. She didn’t have much money, and didn’t know anyone in town. She ended up in a small park up the street, on a bench chain-smoking and with tears running down her face. She didn’t look over when someone walked up beside her. 

‘Lise…’ Colin sat down next to her and rested his hand on her arm. She stiffened but didn’t pull away. 

‘Go away,’ she muttered still not looking at him. 

‘Honey, I’m sorry,’ he said quietly. He shifted so he was facing her, and reached up to wipe some of her tears. She stiffened again, reflexively. ‘Shit… are you afraid of me?’

‘No… it’s… I’ve been…’ She couldn’t finish the sentence, but apparently Colin understood. 

He reached out again, slowly and, with just the tips of his fingers, urged her face to turn toward his. The tear tracks on her face, and the unshed ones still in her eyes made his stomach hurt. ‘Baby…’ he whispered. He pulled gently, trying to get her to lean into him, and she finally relented. 

‘You called me a whore,’ she whispered. 

‘I know. I’m sorry.’

She looked up, meeting his eyes. ‘Is that what you really think of me?’ she asked, her voice breaking. 

‘No! Honey, no. Fuck I’m sorry. I was angry and… I lashed out. Shit…’ Now he was trying not to cry. ‘I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve it but… will you forgive me?’ Alicia shrugged. It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was better than he deserved. ‘Come home with me now?’ he murmured. 

She stood, looking exhausted. Colin wrapped his arm around her, supporting her as they walked. At the house, she undressed silently and crawled into bed. Pausing only to put the lights out, Colin soon joined her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close, her back to his chest. She soon fell asleep but he lay awake for nearly an hour, mentally berating himself. 

~~~

The weeks wore on. Alicia gave up on the idea of finding work here, which left her frustrated as well as feeling isolated and, if she would be honest with herself, trapped. She felt like they could use some time apart, not necessarily breaking up, but not living together. And she had no way to make it happen. 

One day, after a grueling day filming, that had seen Colin and his castmates wet from being in the swamp more than they’d been dry, he came home spoiling for a fight. He’d stopped at the bar with a couple castmates so he was already half drunk, and late. Lise was bored and frustrated, and didn’t have the luxury of coworkers to go out with. 

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, before the door was even shut. 

‘Nothing.’

‘Lise.’

_’Nothing.’_

’Alicia.’ 

_’I’m fine.’_

‘You don’t _look_ fine.’

‘Then stop looking,’ she snapped, slamming down the bottle of beer she’d been drinking.

Colin shook his head and stomped to the bedroom, slamming the door. She just curled up on the couch a sweatshirt under her head. A couple hours later, Colin came out, looking calmer. ‘Coming to bed?’ he asked softly.

‘I’m sleeping out here tonight,’ she said, barely above a whisper.

‘The hell you say. If you don’t want to sleep with me tonight, then you take the fucking bed, and I’ll take the damn couch.’

‘You don’t fit. And you have to work tomorrow. I don’t.’ Her tone was bitter. 

‘This again…,’ he muttered. ‘Look, I’m sorry. The next place we go--’

She cut him off. ‘I need a break Col.’ She started crying, again. 

‘Do you… you want to break up?’ he asked, looking stunned. 

‘No. Yes. I don’t fucking know,’ she sobbed. ‘I have no friends, here or anywhere. I have no money. I’m fucking trapped here. And I care about you so much it hurts, but I need more, and I just don’t fucking know!’ she cried. 

Colin had dropped to sit on the floor, feeling like he’d been sucker punched. Things had been rough, but he hadn’t realised she’d been that desperately unhappy. 

‘Wh-- where would… will… you go?’ he asked shakily. 

She shook her head. ‘That’s part of the problem. Well… pretty much the entire problem…’

Shit. It finally clicked in his brain that she didn’t have any way out. ‘How long…’ his voice cracked. ‘How long have you felt this way? Wanting to leave?’ 

She didn’t look at him as she said, ‘About three weeks.’

Colin cursed. ‘And you’ve still been taking care of me… why?’ 

‘It’s my job,’ she said softly and a touch ironically. ‘And it’s not like I had anywhere to go.’ 

‘Do you really have no one?’ he asked frowning. It occurred to them that he still knew so little about her because every time he tried to find out about her past, she deflected and changed the subject.

‘No one,’ she said quietly. 

‘What about--’

 _’No one,’_ she said again, her voice flat. 

Scrubbing his hands over his short hair, Colin sighed. ‘I’ll help you,’ he said softly, fully aware of the irony of helping his girlfriend leave him. 

That she didn’t argue was a testament to how desperate Alicia felt. ‘Tell me where, and what you need. I can only do it for a couple months but… it’ll get you back on your feet.’ 

‘I don’t care where,’ she said softly. As long as it’s someplace with buses or shit so I can get around. ‘I’d… I’d like to be near you. I really don’t want to completely break up.’

‘I know. But… at first at least… I think that I do need that space,’ he said softly. This hurt enough without seeing her and knowing he couldn’t have her, in the way he was used to. That hurt, a lot, but Alicia couldn’t blame him in any way. ‘I think I’m gonna go back to Dublin, till my next film,’ he said. ‘So just… tell me where you want to live. 

She nodded miserably. She knew it would have to be a place where she could afford to support herself. ‘Maybe… Las Vegas? Not necessarily right in the city--some place I’ll be able to afford. But… I can get a job or two real easy there, I think.’

Colin nodded. ‘If you’re not up for looking for a place… I can look.’ 

Alicia shook her head. ‘I’ll do it… thank you though.’ 

‘You can keep the dishes and kitchen shit and bedding from here. I have all that shit in Dublin already.’ Alicia nodded again numbly. ‘And you’re not sleeping on the fucking couch,’ he said to her. ‘I’ve been enough of a bastard.’

‘We’ll take turns then,’ she said. 

Colin shook his head. ‘I’ll see if I can stay with someone from work or I’ll get a motel room, after tonight.’ Alicia nodded, but her face crumpled and she started sobbing again. ‘Shh…’ he said softly, scooting forward to stroke her hair. ‘It’s okay,’ he soothed. It wasn’t, really, but he couldn’t bring himself to say that. 

He did move out the next day, into a motel nearby. They talked every couple days by phone, but conversation was forced at this point. They pretty much kept on the topic of finding her an apartment and arranging her move. Getting her belongings to Las Vegas was shaping up to be the most difficult part of the process.

They were at a cafe having dinner during their last few days in town, when the decision was made. ‘I think just taking the bedding, in checked luggage on a plane, and leaving the dishes and cookware and shit here might be easiest,’ Colin finally said. Neither was willing to have him drive her out there, and she wasn’t willing to ride with a stranger. She had proposed taking a bus, but Colin vetoed that. 

‘Okay,’ she said softly. She’d agree to almost anything at this point to end what had become a nightmare. 

‘I need you to take care of yourself, Lise,’ he said softly, reaching across the table to rest his hand on hers, ‘Promise me.’ She’d lost weight that to be honest she couldn’t afford to lose and he hadn’t seen her smile since the breakup ten days earlier. 

‘I can’t promise that,’ she whispered. 

‘Will you promise to try?’ After a long pause, Alicia nodded. ‘I just don’t want you to end up in hospital or something. I still care about you,’ he said softly. Alicia’s lips tightened; she was once again trying not to cry. 

~~~

The last week and a half passed steadily. An apartment in Las Vegas had been secured with a wire transfer. Alicia had had a phone interview, with an in person one scheduled, to be a waitress at the MGM Grand. Colin had given her a check for an amount that made her extremely uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t let her talk him down. ‘I told you, I’ll take care of you till you get on your feet. If you spend like ou normally do… this will last most of that period of time. But even if not… just ask. And I’ll call you, to talk, just so you don’t have to pay international charges. If you can get to a computer cafe, or the library or something, we can email. Or I’ll buy you a fuckin computer. I don’t even care. We’re _not_ saying goodbye. Just… goodbye for now, or see you soon, or something.’ He hoped to fuck that that would stay true. 

Finally, Departure Day arrived. Colin drove Alicia to the airport in Jacksonville, an uncomfortable forty-five minutes. ‘You don’t hate me do you?’ she whispered as he pulled up to her terminal. 

‘No sweetheart. I definitely don’t hate you. I’m hurting, for sure, but… I know a lot of this is on me, too. The only reason I want some distance right now is to try to heal without ripping open the wounds every couple days.’ 

Alicia could very much relate to that. Colin parked the car and got out to say goodbye. He helped her out of the car and wrapped his arms around her. ‘Remember, fate decided we’ll always be together in some way, friends or more,’ he whispered in her ear. That undid her again and she buried her face in his neck and sobbed. ‘Oh, baby…’ he murmured, rubbing her back again. As much as this whole thing had hurt him, he still wished he could take on her pain too. ‘Shh… it’s okay honey,’ he whispered. 

‘I stole a couple of your shirts,’ she said, forcing a half smile. 

‘I know. It’s okay.’ 

‘I… I have to go,’ she said, her voice quavering. 

‘Okay,’ he whispered. He pressed his lips to her forehead. Alicia looked up at him and rested her palm gently on his face. Then she pressed up on tiptoe and brushed an impossibly soft kiss to his lips. 

‘You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Colin,’ she whispered. Then she shouldered her bags and all but fled.


End file.
